Maudlin is a word that my friend uses. I firmly believe that lasting friendships can be founded on understanding maudlin.
Maudlin: weakly and effusively sentimental
I feel things too much.
I am having a pretty hard MS relapse. There is pain involved. I have discovered that I don't handle pain very well. And, it is nerve pain. Which advil does not take away. It is pretty easy to feel sorry for yourself when you hurt. I also forget how very much a couple of possible brain lesions can really mess with my mood. Where simply hearing a song takes the breath from my soul and the tears from my eyes. Which is a terrible thing because I am almost always driving and I can't really see out of of my left eye.
My legs do not work quite right and stuff. Which sucks. Mostly, I am fatigued beyond measure. A lady at the store today asked if I was okay. I look sick and tired. I said, "What? I have an autoimmune illness. It is invisible. I look okay, right? That is what people tell me to post to my FB wall if I care....". So, the fatigue is showing.
I was supposed to start Cellcept. I did not. I had the sinus infection that would not end (MRSA and ecoli) and two of my back teeth seem to have gotten bad while I was sick. Not that Cellcept would even work. Nobody knows. But, killing off my WBCs might rot out my entire face.
It is not that I feel sorry for myself. It is mostly that I worry. That I do not like the feeling that I cannot keep up. That the years are blowing past me. Stealing my essence. Leaving parts of me behind.
I feel you, Sweetie. Ms put me in the hospital over New Years eve and has pretty much confined me to my bed. Ms is also messing with unrelated health conditions that I have and the out look is not good. PT at the hospital wanted to put me in a nursing home to recover and spoke of my need to be in a wheelchair. I fought it, as I have 3 young ones whom need me at home. I go to see my primary (doctor do nothing) tomorrow and will probably get reamed by him, as my insurance chronic care manager, sent me a nasty letter stating that Emergency room and for emergencies only. Not only was I having a very bad exacerbation, I was losing vision in my right eye, because of optic neuritis, my blood pressure was at stoke level do to pain, my diabetes was off the hook high,do to the stress of MS on my body, and my sodium, magnesium, potassium, and calcium were dangerously low. I guess I was supposed to stay home and die, according to my insurance. Maudlin is a good word for how I am feeling at this point. As for pain management. Are you on anything for it? Treating your pain, may help you feel better. Big Hugs from California!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you have such a crappy course of MS. The ER is a horrible place to be. Why do we have to have diabetes, too. I take baclofen for spasms and it helps. Nothing for pain. Lyrica made me dopey (which is easy :)) What drug do you take for your MS? (I'm nosy, you don't have to answer) Oh, I didn't see this comment until today. Not good at recognizing notifications. :)
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