His and Her's Brain Atrophy

Boy#1 was very ill and actually was in an altered state. It was really awful and seemed completely out there to me, but - it actually is not a strange occurrence. I think he shut down physically and mentally when he got sick and that led to severe illness.

This is where it becomes tricky making this my story and not putting his whole story out there. 

However, the initial CT scan in the ER showed brain atrophy. The doctor tried to delicately find out if this had showed on previous scans without saying the word "atrophy", but she could not. So, she finally said that was what was abnormal. It has maybe nothing and possibly everything to do with why he went into this reduced level of consciousness. I felt defeated at that moment, but it was the first of many defeated feeling moments.

He was actually just so sick that he was in an altered state of consciousness. It is really scary to witness, but his behavior was not abnormal when compared to the symptoms of semi-comas. 

I have multiple sclerosis and most likely atrophy. I do not even think to ask about my scans. I do have some problems with mental functioning. Not every day, just some days. You can tell by my Scramble With Friends score. Either it is great! Or, just unbelievably dismal. (great is a subjective word, please remember)

The implications of brain atrophy on Boy#1's CT scans and MRIs do not make me feel very good. He has lost some function. Most likely, it will continue. Some people will say that the meds cause atrophy. I will not bother arguing that with anyone. Schizophrenia and meds are what cause the atrophy. And it is a chronic illness. Meaning - it isn't going anywhere.

How does this affect me? It adds to my worry. How will I care for him? How do you help someone reach adulthood and manage adulthood who does not have the best level of functioning? Mom guilt. Always always always guilt. Because, I think there is a linear connection between MS and Schizophrenia.  I can compensate and deal with my brain atrophy. Plus, I do not have psychosis interrupting my thoughts. I am not sure how to help him. I guess just maintain what we are doing and hope for the best.

Truthfully, it is really hard to not lie to myself. To always convince myself that I can handle it and make it all okay. To say, "He is doing great!!! Great in school! GREAT GREAT GREAT" out loud and halfway believe it in my heart. The things I thought were important (learning to read) are not really all that important. Which completely sucks. For me, that is. Boy#1 honestly does not care.

Once again, all I can do is try.