All of those times that I said I wouldn't care if Boy#1 had seizures or not - just as long as I knew something! - I was lying.
I was hoping for seizures.
I know that is screwed up, but seizures can be treated. Maybe not fully controlled, I don't know. But, treatable. Tangible.
I don't deal well with these vague diseases that have no effective treatment.
So, the doctor and I now use the "S" word. It is what it is. It is Special, though. There is no paradigm for treatment. No foreseeable outcome. I don't know of anyone like him, so it is just special. Unique. One of a kind.
The Clozaril makes him a lot better. But, it doesn't seem to reach through to these catatonic episodes. Which are awful. So very hard to watch and to try to stop.
The Episodes are making me so tired, too. Because I feel powerless. That has to be the worst feeling for a parent. And, I get angry. Because it is draining me.
So, once again... It is me, the shrink, and an arsenal of medication VS the S word!!!
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