A Teenage Dream

Here's the deal, Pickles. This girl needed some Xanax - not thorazine and librium. Or,  a priest. 

Throw in a PRN of Zyprexa.... Her skin probably would have cleared up. 

I always struggle with how much information is too much information. But, in the context of what I want to say, I need to give an outline of the last 10 months of medication and Boy#1's ability to function:

July '12 last days of private school with a suicide attempt daily. Teacher and administrators highly wanted me to find a RTC for him to live for a while. Or, have him put inpatient. He is very complicated, I have no idea how I could find a RTC that would work with him. Children's was being remodeled. Again, the doc and I messed with his medication and started the journey of clozaril. He was on 15mg of Haldol and 500mg of Thorazine.

July '12 through August '12 was the great clozaril approval marathon.

August '12 (Mid month) began clozaril. Titrated the dose sloooooooowly to keep immediate difficult side effects at bay. Quickly began to see improvement. Ditched the Thorazine because it was like throwing Skittles in the kid's mouth.

August '12 in march the episodes. I cannot possibly describe them to you. Videotaping them is a serious violation of his privacy. I felt like with every single good thing that would happen, a monster would also sneak up behind us. First, his eyes would move back in his head and would move back and forth. Then, his neck would arch backwards as far as it could be extended. Then, he would start to choke on his spit. Then, he would not be able to speak. Then, His entire body would contort. Then, he would start crying. Wailing. I had to pick him up and carry him to the bathroom. To the bed. He was hungry, so he would shove so much food into his mouth (with me trying to make him stop) until he would choke.  I took him to the ER. His school called the ambulance. Same thing - nobody thought seizures. They would agree with my assessment that it is anxiety induced (because I'm brilliant), but no answers.

December 21, 2012 Began my week of hell. He got sick and quit responding. No drinking. No speaking, no moving. He got the flu and I experienced my first true episode of catatonia. I went to the ER 3 times until somebody listened. Every test was run. The things that were positive were: brain atrophy and a EEG that showed a sort of sleeping wakefulness. 

Since then, we did a 72 hour EEG that showed nothing abnormal. His staring spells where you can move his arm up and it stays there? Catatonia. His episodes? Extreme delusional thinking and behavior provoked by anxiety.

A week and 3 days ago, he started Xanax in the afternoons. One small episode and it was relieved by a PRN of Zyprexa. All I have had is a few days where my afternoons are not spent in some sort of hellish state. I know I will bounce back.

Anxiety. Terror Fear. The teenage dream.