Boy#1's EEG was normal. I figured it would be. Staring spells and awful episodes were caught and I noted the time, and there are just no disturbances.
This is great. I guess. I mean, I don't really want to add seizures to the list. Actually, the list is pretty short. Mental illness. I hate that word. Some days, I feel like that word is just surrounding me. I have to stop feeling like that.
This is just it. This is all. He has things that happen that don't make any sense. I've spent my entire adult life trying to make sense out of it all, and it is just fruitless. I blame it on the medicine. I blame it on the weather. I blame it on my parenting. I blame it on the food he eats. I drive myself insane looking for reason for the madness. It is just madness, though. Right?
This week I felt like shutting it all down. Never speaking about this again. The only thing that stops me is knowing that so many people still think this is all a made up by parents fake diagnosis. It is not. It is very real. It is chronic. It is impossible. It is life altering. The outlook is grim. (I feel unkind saying that, but it is how I feel today.)
No seizures. Just really screwed up behavior seizures.
Just got mine tested for autism, thinking that would explain a lot of his behavior. They said he did not have it. I hate to feel disappointed, I don't wish for a child with autism, but now I'm back to square one.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel! Nobody wants something to be wrong, but sometimes you can just see that some things are not quite right. Some explanation is better than being left to wonder. Keep on looking for someone to help you figure it out!!!!
ReplyDelete