The Art of Making Impossible Choices Confidently

Cogs and Gears
Spin round my brain at night
Whispers and Fears
Are what keep my mind alight
Insomniac nights are when
I discover I am a poet
The prizes and fame I dream I could win
Fuck that - I am a poet and I know it.

I claimed on FB (which automatically means what I said is truth) that I make impossible choices with confidence. Then, I was asked to explain myself. That got me to thinking. Maybe I do not seem confident. 

But, good grief. The choices I have had to make with ALL of my kids are the equivalent of about 50 Lifetime movies. I have to say - most of the time, I feel like I make the right choice. Everything sort of spins around in my head, then it clicks into place and I am okay with what I need to do. 

Here's the deal, pickles. Being okay with institutionalizing your child for a few weeks is really effing hard. The fact that I do it knowing it is the right thing even though I feel like my heart and soul are being shattered and I am the shittiest mom on Earth - that is what I call confident choice making.

An example of not making the right choice even though I knew it was the wrong choice and it blowing up in my face 1 hour after I made it: I let Boy#1 go camping. He cried and said he had been looking forward to it for a week and he always gets left behind. I had already decided he was not going. I was confident that it was the right choice, albeit the impossible choice. He leaves with his "soft kitty" (a new toy that is licensed by the makers of The Big Bang Theory) that sings the song when you press its paw. 

It broke. I get the call about 2 hours after they have left. He is hysterical and he is having an "episode". What to do, what to do... We'll just leave it at this: he checked out the rest of the day and had to sit in the car and basically made everything a kabillion times harder. Gah. I knew I was right.